Being Your Age

This week’s journal entry:

Describe the most difficult thing about being your age.

By Laura Black

            Well, my current age is 46. I guess the most difficult thing about being this age is that I don’t mentally feel like I’m 46. In my mind, I feel like I’m much younger. So, I guess what’s hard for me is my mind will think: I can do that. However, my body thinks different. My mind says, “You can do that,” and I’m body says, “What the hell are you doing?”

            Over the years, my body has changed in so many ways. I guess in some way it’s probably for the better. As a child and teen, I was super skinny. In my early 20s, my body finally started to transform for the better. I gained weight, but I looked like a normal person. As a teen, I was constantly asked if I was anorexic. Those that truly knew me knew this wasn’t true, but random people and many of my teachers would ask. I always responded, “If you saw me eat, you would probably be grossed out.” The amount of food I used to be able to eat was crazy. I had a super high metabolism, though.

            I have to say I was happy when I stopped looking so skinny and finally put on some weight. The problem, though, was that I had a hard time stopping my eating habits. That eventually led to me becoming overweight. I struggled with that for years. My mind was still in the skinny girl mode. It often became hard to do the things I used to do because my body was not capable of doing everything I used to do as the skinny girl.

            Over the years, I learned to adjust my mindset with my body. It was a super hard process, though. Now, although I wish I was a little skinnier than I am, I would never want to be that skinny again. I’m accepting of my body and my weight. My problem now is that my mind doesn’t believe I’m as old as I am. I want to do things I used to do at a younger age, but it’s not always cooperating with me. I’m not old by any means, but my body doesn’t always agree. So, I will continue to fight with my mind and my body on my true age. I would like to think my mind will win and push my body to stay young; however, I do have to be aware of my limitations from time to time.

            What about you? What’s the most difficult thing about being your age?