I Didn’t Want To Do

This week’s journal entry

Write about a time when you did something you didn’t want to do. It must be an actual event/time. What did you do? Why didn’t you want to do it?

By Laura Black

            This is a good one to write about as I start another new semester of teaching. I believe a portion of my students have heard this story from me, but it’s always funny to share as I start another new semester.

            While I was an editor for trade magazines, I decided at some point that I absolutely hated what I was doing. I was not happy with my career choice and the path in which it was headed. At the end, I absolutely dreaded going to work on a daily basis. About halfway through my editing career, I decided to go back to school.

            I LOVE to write. It doesn’t matter what I’m writing, but I always enjoyed writing fiction. Before I made my decision to go back to school to get my master’s and become an English instructor, I took a fiction writing class for fun. I was tired and bored with the type of writing I had to do for work, and I missed writing fiction. So, to break up my boredom, I signed up for the fiction writing class. It was a night class, and we had to do a lot of writing (obviously).

            Although I enjoyed the writing assignments and being able to get back to writing fiction, I did not like my instructor. She was so boring and not engaging at all. I muddled through each class, but as each class passed, I thought about how I could be doing that. “I could teach this class.” It was my aha moment that made me realize I was in the wrong career and needed to make a change.

            I started looking into schools and trying to figure out what level I wanted to teach. I decided on what I knew I could handle patience-wise. I don’t think I have it in me to teach little children, middle school, and especially not high school. So, I settled on the college level. I got accepted into a program that was close to work, so I could go to my evening classes’ right after work.

            Since I was working full-time and getting my job to pay for a portion of each class, I only took one class per semester. It was a long process…five years before I received my master’s and was able to pursue teaching as a career. I was so excited.

            Although we prepared for teaching throughout the entire master’s program, we didn’t do any actual student teaching. We did a few presentations in some classes, but it wasn’t too bad. Of course, I was always nervous about any presentation or speech. I never liked speaking in front of anyone. I didn’t even like reading out loud during any part of my academic career.  

            I went through the entire program with the intension to teach. That was my whole purpose. I was changing careers to teach. I never really thought, though, about actually having to get up in front of my class and teach. When it came time to actually do it for the first time, I was a wreck. I honestly don’t know if my students could tell, but I was dying inside.

            I’m an introvert by nature, so what in the world was I thinking that I could get up in front of an entire class and teach them. Well, here’s the thing. You honestly can do anything you put your mind to if you really want it bad enough. I had busted my ass for five years to get this degree and to be able to teach. No matter how hard it was, I got through that first class.

            I definitely did not want to get up in front of my class for the first time and teach. Of course, I did, and I’ve lost track of how many classes I’ve taught since that first one. I still do get a little nervous before the start of each new class on the first day, but it’s honestly for a quick second, then I’m over it. I’ve done it enough now to not think twice about not being able to do it.

            There are so many times in life that we don’t do things because we don’t want to or don’t feel comfortable doing them; however, you don’t know what you could be missing. I can honestly say as scared as I was on that first day, I can’t imagine not teaching. I absolutely love what I do now, which is more than I could say before. So…if you have something you don’t want to do because it makes you uncomfortable, get up and give it a try. It might just change your life or your life direction.

            What did you do that you didn’t want to do? Feel free to share.